How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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