just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
