I'm drive I can fine osifer
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
