I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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