have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
