i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
