Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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