dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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