It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
