people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
