Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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