you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is the high leading the old right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
