is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
