Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
