No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
