There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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