I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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