girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
