The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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