I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
