i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
