watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
