im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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