R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
