If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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