I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
