dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
