my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
