mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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