okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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