Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
