well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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