wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
