You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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