I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
