It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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