Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
