But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
