Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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