i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
