A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
