even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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