I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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