Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
