She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
