What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
