dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
