i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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