Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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