Sry I called you an 8
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
