There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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