Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
