sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
