I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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