there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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