youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
