I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
