I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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