Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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