we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
